Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on. -Bob Newhart

Orf, you're the man. Thanks for this.

THIS

So I'm reading this book. Off and on while in the pool trying to keep the skin from actually melting of my [big-boned...what?] skeleton. It's hot here.

Book is called "Bleachy-Haired Honky Bitch: Tales from a Bad Neighborhood" by Hollis Gillespie. I know. Not everyone is as amused by colorful language as I am lately. It's just a silly memoir that helps me remember my life is not the only one that borders on the absurd and pathetic on a DAILY BASIS. And a lot of finding blessed humor in it is really just paying attention.

The book itself is not all that great or I would have finished it by now. But I'm aware that my maybe unusually, to quote a friend, cryptic (?) and darker posts may have rang some alarm bells. I am fine. Just finding my way after a whole lot of changes in the past year. There are no regrets, even after having my heart handed back to me on a platter. Even though I ignored the warning signs that in hindsight are unmistakable.

Anyway, I've been paying attention. To every feeling instead of pushing them away and hoping they'll either go away on their own or allowing distractions to lull me into believing I can deal with them later. I believe this is something I need to work on and it has not been easy. At all. Struggling with anger and honest sadness is not something I'm very familiar with. But I could never give up the comfort of words. And I read this: "I sensed then that later I'd become familiar with how painful it is to bleed life back into an atrophied part of yourself, to come alive after the comfort of deadness." And it made me sigh, "Huh. Ok then. Not just me."

Alright, enough already. I'm pretty sure, that one of my favorite sources of giggles (if he read my blog, which I'm sure he doesn't) would remind me I am way too Emo, he's sick of me bleeding all over, I'm a loser and that not even Jesus loves me. And then I'd call him an a**hat and remind him I embrace my loserness. And life goes on.

Thank you friends.

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5 Comments:

Blogger TWORIVERSWALRUS said...

I totally disagree!

11:05 AM  
Blogger mimikatemom said...

What? It's wednesday, isn't it?


Smartass. Technical difficulties. Like I just spit diet coke all over my keyboard and my lap and I can't figure out how to post the durn video.

*making stink eye at my stoopit puter*

11:09 AM  
Blogger JJ said...

hey, let's go shopping at Hot Topic this weekend!!!!! Emo- live loud, live proud!!! And oh so painfully....

8:08 PM  
Blogger TWORIVERSWALRUS said...

As Spock said to Kirk, in Star Trek IV, when they went back in time to 1986 Earth, "Admiral, since our return, it seems as if the language has been laced with colorful metaphors."

Did you know my daughters and I have stink eye contests? First one to laugh loses. I tend to lose. There's something about a four-year-old girl squinting her eyes and puffing her lips out in a "watchoo talkin' bout Willis" look that makes me burst out laughing.

You should try it!

8:38 AM  
Blogger GMAFB said...

(oops)

"no regrets"
I always find that one rather interesting. I don't know if it is stubborness, pigheadedness, conceit, stupidity, insensitivity, or all of the above. Sure, we don't regret a lesson learned or the experience and how it fits into our development, etc., etc., BUT(T), when we do something stupid and it is someone else's detriment (as well as our own), shouldn't we regret that? If our decisions or action or inaction result in hurting others (strangers as well as those close to us) as well as ourselves, shouldn't there be some "regret"? If action is taken in the interest of making ME a better person, a better and more complete "human" in the "long run" and that action hurts people - permanently or temporarily - shouldn't there be some regret? No splitting hairs please (i.e. guilt, remorse, second-guessing, hindsight, etc.).

Once you get to a place in life, regardless of what the talking heads say, it's not all about you any more. We can't make decisions that really are focused on ourselves and then somehow crowbar or rationalize others around us and deem that it was in their best interest, too. It's easy to do that and does make for a nice neat package, but it's untrue. That's not to say that we all need to be "pleasers" and "enablers" in order to "protect" everyone around us. We got to do what we got to do. But "no regrets", when I hear it, it's usually an eye-roller.

Sounds good though.

1:29 PM  

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